Frequently Asked Questions
Today's teens face a number of challenges that often lead to many questions. Below you will find a list of frequently asked questions by teens. We will try to answer them for your benefit.
Many people have their own definitions of sexual abstinence. In this guide abstinence means to refrain from sexual contact of any sort, including: genital intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, dry sex (a.k.a. grinding or outercourse), mutual masturbation, or any other physically intimate activity done for the purpose of sexual gratification. Although there are some types of sexual activity which do not result in pregnancy, these are still a form of sex (most of which can also transmit disease). One good rule of thumb for those who are unsure, is to ask yourself if the behavior in question can only be done in private.
Abstinence is a lifestyle, not a contraceptive with a failure rate. Yet many unmarried couples find it easier said than done. For young people especially, it will be easier if high pressure situations, like automobile back seats or empty dorm rooms, are avoided. Abstinence is the only way to assure that pregnancy will not occur. It is also the only sure way to prevent heartache, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS,and, loss of self-esteem. Back to top
Peer pressure can be a "big deal" in teenagers' lives, but it doesn't have to be and it shouldn't! Believe it -- it is the absolute truth! During this time in your life the pressure from your peers to conform to their standards or style is the most intense. This is primarily because you are seeking your own self-identity as you emerge from beneath the umbrella of your family. Hey! Re-read that statement! You are seeking your OWN self-identity....ummm....keep that in mind. It's ok not to follow the crowd; BE DIFFERENT and create a little positive peer pressue.
Acceptance into a circle of friends is very important to some teens. It is at this point that the foundation of your moral character and convictions will be tested. Peer pressure by definition means: an urgent claim or demand from others without concern of your personal integrity or convictions. Since this is a time of seeking your own identity start with the absolute facts:
- You have individual value and worth to God, your Creator. As the modern saying goes: God don't make no junk -- never has, never will. Everyone is unique ... and your uniqueness is one of the best attributes of life. No one can do what you can do -- no one can have the impact you can have on someone else's life -- just by being who GOD wants you to be. He designed you to be special and to stand out from the crowd.
- View this time of personal pressure as a point in time that will never again be repeated. This is a time that you recognize God, Almighty, working in your life and making you stronger in matters that really do matter! The peers around you that you feel pressure from are the very people God has placed around you --- not to make you like them -- but for you to be an example of a true person serving the Lord.
- Chasing the approval of "friends" is a horrible, never-ending circle which you must never partake of. Imagine the reality of standing before the throne of God at the beginning of eternity with Him and He says to you: "I received glory because of the choices you made as a teenager." Whew! It doesn't get any better than that.
- Always keep a Heavenly Point of View! Peer pressure will not last forever -- believe it -- it will end quickly; however, eternity does last forever! Your choices -- your outward behavior and inward thoughts -- must be based upon a love-relationship with Jesus Christ and the Word of God to live a holy life. Jesus, His love, His power, and His concern for you is the same today and always. He is the Friend who you should spend the most time with and whose opinion you must seek and take to heart. The earthly friends worth having are those who love you, want to know who you really are, encourages you to do what is right and daily walk with God, Your Creator.
Back to top
The Lord loves us so much that He gave us commandments and principles to live by so that we can be protected from harmful consequences. If we desire God's blessings in our lives, we must obey Him. No matter what you have done or what bondages you may have allowed into your life, you can be forgiven, healed, and set free through the blood of Jesus.
If that isn't enough, there are some frightening statistics to consider as well. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, 65-80 million Americans live with an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD). 19 million people are infected annually with almost half among teenagers.. In the 1960s, there were only two significant STDs - syphilis and gonorrhea. Today, there are more than 30. The Human papillma virus (HPV) causes over 90 percent of cervical cancer cases. This cancer kills over 4,000 women each year, as many as those from AIDS. HPV is also attributed to some cancer cases of the throat and mouth. Condoms offer virtually NO PROTECTION against HPV because it can be tranmitted by skin to skin contact, areas where condoms cannot cover.
Nearly one million teenage girls get pregnant every year in the U.S. Approximately 10% of all 15 to 19-year-old girls will become pregnant - even though since 1970, the U.S. Government has spent over $6 billion to promote contraceptives and the flawed "safe sex" debacle. Back to top
Sexual sin ranging from lustful thinking to perverted behavior is rampant in the world today. Even a quick sampling of television, magazines, the Internet, movies, advertising, and music can drown a person in sexually explicit material that is meant to cause arousal and appeal to the flesh. Biblical values such as celibacy in the single life, virginity until marriage, and faithfulness during marriage are considered ridiculous and old fashioned - even to some Christians.
In order to resist "temptation" first we must remember that God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a man and a woman who are joined in marriage. Since sexual activity can result in the creation of a precious, eternal, human soul, it is obviously very important and valuable; therefore, Satan does his best to pervert it. It takes making a commitment, developing, and then standing on your convictions, before, the temptation presents itself. Accepting sexually stimulating music, TV programs, movies, reading material, and sexual behavior outside of marraige as "normal" will weaken any sense of good judgment you may have. Don't buy the lies that promise only pleasure with no consequences. Paul advised young Timothy to "flee" evil youthful desires and greed. In other words, don't give in to what your body and mind tells you to do if it goes against the will and character of Christ. You have a choice. Seek the things that are good for you and for others. Think beyond the moment. Think about where your choices may lead you. "Sin will take you further than you wanted to go, keep you longer than you wanted to stay and cost you more than you wanted to pay." God wants you healthy, happy and whole! Back to top
The policy flaw is that it also mandates providing youth with "information on and skill development in the use of protective devises and methods for the purpose of preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy." That means teaching our kids how to use condoms and birth control pills, outside of marraige.
Telling youth "we prefer you remain abstinent but we'll show you how to have safe sex" is a failed approach that gives youth a FALSE sense of security. If the same message were applied to smoking, it would say, "We wish you wouldn't smoke, but if you do, smoke filtered cigarettes and we will provide them to you without telling your parents."
The Solution is the Positive Message of Abstinence!
Teen Straight Talk believes that our youth deserve more than mixed messages and low expectations. Our nation's youth can remain abstinent with consistent and clear support from parents, teachers and the community. Back to top
Sex is God's invention. He is the mastermind behind it—and His creation is worth far more to Him than it is to us. This beautiful expression of love was created out of His own heart, as a gift to be experienced between a husband and wife. It is only in marriage that this act of intimacy can be fully enjoyed in the depth for which it was created.
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4, NIV).
"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4, KJV).
The more beautiful and unique something is (like sexual intercourse), the more power it holds over our lives, either for good or bad influence. That is why it is so easy for the devil to corrupt the most precious of God's gifts. When we become more in love with the gifts than the One who endowed them, the things that were designed to bless us begin to destroy us, instead. Yes, God cares about what we do with our bodies, in public or in private. He doesn't want us to abuse ourselves in any way. Our body is the place that His Spirit dwells.
In fact, an older definition of masturbation is "self-abuse." Although more modern dictionaries may no longer carry this definition, they are still linked together under self-abuse:
Self-abuse noun¹
1. Abuse of oneself or one's abilities.
2. Masturbation. Back to top
According to some recent studies, most teenagers define "sex" as vaginal intercourse — they don't consider oral sex to be "sex." This isn't surprising, since that's how our culture has traditionally defined sex (which, incidentally, leaves out gays and lesbians altogether). So, there are a lot of self-proclaimed virgins out there who haven't "gone all the way," but will do "everything else but," including oral sex.
When we talk about risk, it's often in reference to physical issues like sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. But like intercourse, outercourse is sex play that also involves emotional risks. Will having oral sex change how you think about yourself and about your relationship? Will you expect more commitment or emotional closeness from your partner? Will you be doing it for the wrong reasons — like, because you think everyone else is doing it or because your partner is putting pressure on you? It's true that if someone is only having oral sex, there's no worry about getting pregnant. But the physical risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection is still there.
The bible has nothing to say about oral sex. But it is clear from the bible, that sex within marriage is holy and good. Indeed it is commanded (1 Cor 7:3-5). Using the creation narrative as our guide and the principle that the male genital is designed for the female genital, just as food is for the stomach (1 Cor 6:13), we may question oral sex. Any sexual act conducted outside the boundaries of holy matrimony is wrong, and worse a sin. Back to top
Lust is a focus on pleasing oneself, and often leads to unwholesome actions to fulfill your desires with no regard to the consequences for you, or, for another. Lust is about possession and greed. Lust takes! The Christian faith is about selflessness, and is marked by holy living (Romans 6:19, 12:1-2; 1 Corinthians 1:2, 30, 6:19-20; Ephesians 1:4, 4:24; Colossians 3:12; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, 5:23; 2 Timothy 1:9; Hebrews 12:14; 1 Peter 1:15-16). The goal of each person who has put his/her faith in Jesus Christ is to become more and more like Him each day. This means putting off the old way of life, of which sin was in control, and changing your thoughts and actions to the standard written in Scripture. Lust is in opposition to this ideal.
Nobody will ever be perfect, or attain sinlessness while still on this earth, yet it is still a goal for which we strive. The Bible makes a very strong statement regarding this in the verses, 1Thessalonians 4:7-8, "God has called us to be holy, not to live impure lives. Anyone who refuses to live by these rules is not disobeying human rules but is rejecting God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." If lust has not yet gripped your heart and mind, ready yourself through a life lived above reproach to combat the temptations of lust. If you currently struggle with lust, it is time to come clean before God and ask for His intervention in your life, so that holiness can be a mark of your life as well. Do practical things like: get rid of any music, TV progams, videos/DVDs, magazines, books/stories, pictures and relationships that consistently stir up natural desires. This leads to lust where you are no longer in control of your desires, but, your desires begin to control YOU. Back to top
Abstinence may seem easy because it's NOT doing something. But peer pressure and things you see on TV and in the movies can make the decision to practice abstinence more difficult. If it seems like everybody else is having sex, some teens may feel they have to do it, too, just to be accepted. Remember that only you can make the decision to have sex or not. Don't let kidding or pressure from friends, a girlfriend, or a boyfriend push you into something that's not right for you. And you can still have a relationship with someone without having sex. The people who care about you should respect your decison not to have sex and see it as an important personal choice. You might not realize it, but most teens DO practice abstinence. Choosing to practice abstinence is an important decision, and you may have questions about making this choice or how to cope with your decision. Talking to an adult you trust, such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or coach, can help. Back to top
 The experts preach that condoms can help reduce the spread of STD's, however, they do not provide complete protection. Do you really want a little piece of latex between you and a lethal STD? Condoms can slip, break, allow backflow and cannot protect you against STDs contracted by skin to skin contact. Consider the fact that hands can become contaminated by diseased fluids or body lesions before the condom is in place. Handling it at this point can add to the risk. The only 100% guaranteed defense against STD's and pregnancy is abstinence. Make the right choice!
Back to top
Here at Teen Straight Talk, we are dedicated to “Reaching and teaching youth with the truth” about sex and abstinence. Call or email Vilma Allen at Teen Straight Talk - SSC today to receive more information.
|
